You see this beautiful girl standing before you from a distance.
You see her go on each day with that pretty smile on her face as if everything was okay. But something about the way she carries herself tells you she isn’t. The truth is behind that pretty smile are some of the darkest secrets. You can see the hurt and pain when you look through the windows to her soul. Her pretty eyes have cried an ocean of tears that she is drowning in. You know she is broken into a million pieces, yet she is dressed in strength and courage. Her kind heart had endured soo much pain and you can’t help but wonder how she got here.
You begin to ponder how you can climb over those thick castle walls to jump into that deep ocean of roaring waves and save her.
The story behind her walls
She was once whole. Full of life, love, and laughter. Her smile would brighten up the room from miles away. There was just something about her vibe that left a mark on your heart. She loved hard. She believed in the good and looked through the bad. She gave everyone a chance because she had the most caring and genuine heart. She was such a beautiful person inside and out.
But life changed her…
Her trust was betrayed.
Her trust was taken advantage of and betrayed. She trusted people with her all. She gave her whole heart, her feelings, her soul, her fears, and her secrets trusting they would be secure. But in the end, she was left burned. Every vulnerable part of herself that she gave was used to attack her and break her down. She gave people the key to her heart just for them to throw it away. They captured her heart just to leave her lost and alone. She trusted people with her fragile heart hoping that they would handle it with care. But over time her heart was dropped countless times. Eventually, there was no more of her heart left. It was broken into a million pieces. She had to figure out how to put it back together. She had no idea how. She trusted people with the knife to protect her but instead they turned around and stabbed her with it. Now, she has a built a wall that she hides behind. Her trust in others no longer exist. Instead, her trust relies on herself and the strength of the walls that she built to keep others out.
She keeps people out.
She used to let people use her heart as a shelter from the storms. She had a heart of Gold. Always the one to come to other’s rescue before her own. She always tried her hardest to make sure that others felt safe and secure. But she was left alone in the storm too many times. She was left alone in the dark too many times. She was the one who was always holding onto others so they wouldn’t fall. Instead, she was pushed over the edge by the same people she held. Eventually, she learned to only count on herself. She was so broken and injured that she had no choice but to save herself. She slowly gained her strength back picking up piece by piece of her heart. In the process, she found the key again and locked her heart away. She hid it behind the walls that she had built. She was unwilling to let anyone in to find it. This was the way she learned to stay safe from the storms.
She has become numb.
She used to get totally emotionally invested. When she fell, she fell hard. She lit herself on fire with a passion that people crowed from afar to watch her burn. She was hopeful that everything was going to be okay. She continued to give her all while people began to take more and more. She believed, so she kept her faith that things would change. Before she knew it, the life was sucked out of her. She had become numb to the pain. She didn’t even know what she was feeling anymore because she gave everything she had and there was nothing left to feel. She somehow managed to find herself again and crawled behind the walls she had built to protect her. Only then she knew she would be safe.
She has no more love left to give.
She loved without condition. She was a hopeless romantic who loved with her entire heart. Through all of the flaws, she accepted them anyway. She recognized the fears and insecurities in others so she walked through storms to comfort them. Her love was real. It was rare. She loved more than she ever got in return. But she loved a good challenge. So her fire burned stronger and she loved harder. She loved selflessly that she could never walk away because she was fearful of how it would affect others. Her mind knew she needed to stop but her heart just couldn’t. She gave her love just for people to take advantage of it and destroy it. Then, she found herself in a dark place with nothing left to give. She no longer knew how to love. So she built those walls even higher.
She lost her sparkle.
She left a little sparkle everywhere that she went. That fire that you saw burning from afar used to burn brighter. It was filled with happiness and joy. Her positive attitude is what gave her the strength to keep going despite the betrayal and brokenness she faced. That light that you saw shining so brightly was the spark in her eyes, the warmth in her heart, and the beauty of her soul. But people extinguished her fire and crushed her light. Her light had vanished and she became trapped in the dark. She struggled to find her way out of darkness and back into the light. But that little sparkle that was left, led her behind her walls. Back to safety.
She is broken.
Despite how strong she was, she had a breaking a point. She became numb because there was no more left of her to break. She transformed into a woman she never thought she would become. She became unrecognizable. But she was fierce as would stop at nothing to put herself back together again.
She is tired.
She conquered many demons and she always wore her scars like wings. She was soo strong for soo long that she became tired. The air she breathed became polluted with toxins and she had nothing to protect her. She was tired of being taken for granted. She was tired of not being good enough. She was tired of believing in pure and unfailing love just to get her heart broken. She was tired of giving her all with nothing to help keep her up. She became weak in the knees and her legs began to buckle from under her. She began to fall but she picked herself back up with the little strength she had left and ran behind her walls. She collapsed in relief that she was finally safe again.
Can she be saved?
Behind her walls, she slowly picked herself back up again, yet a part of her remains broken. She is full of scars and behind every scar, there is a journey to her survival. The scars may be healing but the pain that it still causes her hurts immensely. But she continued on anyway. Her heart will never be the same. She will never be the same. But she tells herself she will be okay even on her weakest days.
But the truth is, although she has endured more brokenness than you could imagine there is still a part of her that is fighting to become whole again.
No one can climb over her walls. Many have tried but they never make it. Only she has the ability to let people in. She doesn’t need to be saved. She saved herself.
She needs someone to prove to her why she should believe in the goodness of humanity again. She needs someone to prove to her that she is enough. She needs someone to prove to her that they will stop at nothing to get behind her walls and protect her. She needs someone that will show her that her heart is a treasure and they will value it forever. Through time, patience, and perseverance you can get to her.
But know she will still hide behind her armor to keep her safe. She does not want to go back to those dark places that she was in before. She spent a lot of time trying to find herself, her heart, her soul, her love, her emotion, and her strength again. She does not want toxicity that she rescued herself from to come back to her. She does not want to give herself to the undeserving again.
If you have what it takes to get behind her walls you will find the most loving, genuine, passionate, loyal, supportive, and caring woman. If you are patient with her you will be introduced to her beautiful soul. It will require extra effort, a lot of love, extra reassurance, and more time but it will be worth it.
A woman who opens her heart to love you, when it’s already broken, is braver than any person you’ll meet.